Young Children & Stress
In 2013, the American Psychological Association published a report on Stress In America. In this report, the teens interviewed reported the following:
It’s no surprise this generation of young people are experiencing increasing levels of stress, given that they were born during an economic recession, in a world besieged with terrorism, war, a sadly rising level of racism and sexism, the rise of public figures who are not providing the best role models. Their parents have to work harder than ever only to earn less, with even the most affluent among adults confronted with changes that add pressures to each day and often leave less time for relaxing and having engaging moments with their families.
What’s most troubling to me is what I am seeing in my practice – younger and younger children are presenting greater levels of stress and anxiety, unlike any I have before. Are we now facing an alarming epidemic of children unable to deal with pressures in their lives brought on by higher expectations in school and with friends? Even very calm parents are bringing their children to us, unsure what has brought on the sadness, depression, “acting out,” and other symptoms that are not just typical “growing pains.”
Once upon a time, this scenario would have read like a movie script for a situation comedy. Now, it just reads like a typical Monday. You see, Generation X is all grown up. Far from the slackers we were reputed to be in our disaffected youth, in 2010 Generation X (those of us between the ages of 34 and 47) was identified as the most stressed-out generation in America.
If it seems like things aren’t the same for children as when we were kids, that’s because they’re not. Depression and anxiety among elementary age children are rising. In fact, one in five school age children and young adults has a mental disorder. According to some reports, one in six teens seriously considers suicide, and on in thirteen attempts suicide. Xanax prescriptions are up, and used to calm kids down.
Stress, left untreated, is not only dangerous to children, their siblings, their parents and communities. Stress can also be contagious, which is why I believe we are in fact facing this epidemic. What can parents do to help stop the growing cycle of stressed out and acting out children whose problems only magnify as they head into their teenage and then young adult years?
Here are a few ideas on how to start:
1. Work on reducing your own stress – simplify your life, don’t aim for perfection, and set an example of how to live in a peaceful way; children are very keen observers and especially in these developmental years mimic their parents’ behavior, for better or worse. Make it for the better.
2. Recognize that stress impacts every dimension of your child’s life – their health, emotional well-being, ability to learn, create friendships and more. Connect with your kids to learn what their life is like; commit to spending ample one-on-one time with them every day, looking them in the eye and sharing your love for them in no uncertain terms.
3. Talk openly about life not being perfect, about the joys of imperfection, and help them understand the definition of what is real vs. what is imaginary (in films, games, the media and more). Encourage them to be open as well with their friends, to share feelings in non-dramatic ways, to really connect with others around being human and different, creative and free.
4. Look for the signs early – earlier than ever. This is very important. Don’t assume children will grow out of their depression, or anger, confusion or rage. Don’t fall for this idea that if you ignore them, they’ll figure it out for themselves – that if they are sad or mad, others won’t want to be around them. We are responsible as parents to help our children “grow out” and their feelings and emotions, which manifest into behaviors and actions that may make you uncomfortable are important to understand and discuss.
5. Find a specialist to help; more and more of my colleagues are concentrating on helping families deal with the extraordinary amount of stress we are seeing in younger and younger people’s lives. Remember that the earlier a compassionate team of professionals and parents gets together to invest time in helping a child become more relaxed, peaceful and joyful, the sooner that little human being can find themselves on that path towards a healthy, happy lifetime.